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I can't believe how time has flown!! So many things have been happening to me...I thought I would catch you up.

First, my daughter is still being unmanagable. It seems like our cry for help has went unnoticed again. Well I hope it in the new year things will change!

Second, my son broke his arm. My daughter said...why don't you jump off the dresser. So he did. I let him cry for about 45 minutes when I finally realized that he broke it and wasn't faking...LOL...

So off we went in a cab to the hospital. We waited for 5 hours before they finally said ... Yup, it's broken. We go on Christmas Eve to get his cast off.

Third, my grandfather died. It's only been two weeks today since it happened. I have had no contact with my family since the day after. I think it's pretty rotten that they are making me grieve on my own. I couldn't even go to the funeral because my mom couldn't be bothered to pick me up at the airport. It seems to me that I got ripped off. He was like my dad. He was the only constant male in my life. I looked up to him like anything. He was a great man....still is...and I miss him.

It doesn't feel like Christmas to me this year at all. I am too busy trying not to think about my Opa and think about the kids and how much fun they will have. But it's so hard to celebrate when you are missing family.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and you get everything you wished for. Make sure you hug the ones you love!

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So I guess what they say, "Mom Knows" is true. I knew something was going to go down and it did. In a big way.

I had called my daughter's nurse type person to tell them that the medication dose wasn't working. They didn't end up calling me until last week. But in the meantime I had to pull my daughter out of our home because she tried to drown her brother. IT was really scary to go through something like that. My son is okay.

We put her in this program that is called stabilization. They take her in and we go to counselling for 5 days. It's funny though. No one in our family knows. It's so much easier to deal with it without family telling you what to do. My daughter realized that she had it so much better than the rest of the kids that were there.

The stories she told me about why they were there. I got scared .... she didn't.

When she got home it was a weird feeling. It felt like she had been gone for a year. While she was gone everyone was so calm and not uptight.

She claims she is trying to be better. But I still have a hard time trusting her with my son. What will it take for them to really notice what is going on? Does my son have to be dead?? I sure hope not, because by that time it would be too late!

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Here I am...I know you were all missing me right??? RIGHT!!

Well, I don't know if I told you all but I entered a poetry contest online. I won!! I got $25 for that...YAY!!! And then today I found out I won a 22 inch flat screen wide screen computer screen for just voting for someone. That was weird. My luck seems to be good lately. I can't believe it.

But...I haven't gotten that job I wanted. I don't think I will. Something has to change around the house though. I go to sleep with my son at night to get him to bed and when my daughter wakes up the last thing I feel like doing is working. I need to change that and change it fast. But it's hard when he doesn't have his own room to go to. I know things would be different then.

My husband got a promotion. He is like foreman!! I am so excited that he is doing so good at his job. Too bad he will be out of a job when the plant closes in June.

My kitty cats are growing...Belle is 6 months old now and is in heat!! It's so much fun. We have to get her fixed as soon as possible. And Milo is 3 months old and he is cuter than ever.

Well, it seems like the holiday season is among us here in Canada. Since our Thanksgiving has already come and gone there is nothing else for us to celebrate other than Christmas. I have seen so much stuff already. IT just seems to be a shock to the system when there is no snow on the ground.

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Things are looking up again. I can't believe how my life changes on a day to day basis. I have applyed for a job on-line that can make me a good chunk of money per month. Something that would be just the thing to let me stop worrying about money. That is something that I pray for.

Most of my life it has been about struggling for money. Like not being able to feel comfortable that at least the rent will be paid and the bills will be covered. I have to thank the computer though because it has given me the chance to make extra money at home. The types of things I do for work varies so much though...I never know if I will be doing the same thing next month.

So I got a new job today...posting on other people's blogs. This is a simple job for me since I do that already for my own blog. I have kinda given up on my blogs...I haven't really felt like putting anything in them. Which is too bad because the one got accepted by Pay Per Post and you can make a good chunk of money that way. I have been paying lots of attention to my entertainment blog. I have submitted it to some great entertainment sites and it's getting noticed. I will be like TMZ.com someday.

My daughter's doctor's appointment was a joke. They really wouldn't listen to anything I had to say. They dropped the dose to 15 mg of Adderall instead of 25 mg. I can tell that she is having a hard time on it. She even tells me. But you know they won't listen to anything I might have to say. I suggested that she might be bipolar. But they told me they don't diagnose that until they are in their teens, but they might look into it. This will be the third time she will be re evaluated. I just hope this time I will accept the diagnosis. I just hope my son will make it through. She is so violent to him lately...throwing things at him, hitting him in the head with hard things and just screaming at him. I don't know what to do when she does these things but like I said her temper can turn on a dime. I wish they could see what I see.

I have been kinda pulling away from my husband, I just hope he doesn't think it's him. I always seem to do that when I am highly stressed...I just pull back and try to get myself through it. I wonder if that's how I dealt with it when I was a little girl and I would hear my parent's fighting? They also said that maybe I am having a hard time dealing because I haven't dealt with the abuse that happened to her while I was married. I feel horrible and guilty that I didn't get us help sooner...but that is another story....

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I'm sitting here after supper...Things have been getting a little more hectic in ways and calmer in others. My workload has been decreased which is good. So now I can really focus on my two jobs I have. I really need to start editing the manuscript for the guy....he wants it done by the end of October. That is a month away to do more than a chapter a week. The Canadian dollar has been bumming me out....I had $170 of American money in there and when I converted it over it became only $165 Canadian. That was a big bummer!

But yesterday I found out some good news. I had entered one of my depressing poems into a contest. I found out last night I was in the Top 5...they are having a competition to see what people like the most. It starts October 1 I can't wait. And then today I won a book...it's all about coloring your own hair. I can't believe it!! So that was exciting.

My daughter is becoming more of a handful though. Her stealing and lying are getting worse. This morning she snuck out of the house with make up on. She is lucky that I didn't see her with it on...she would have missed the bus! Then she was out playing at the neighbors. The neighbors kid came to the house and told me that my daughter was beating up my son...who is younger than her. She has been doing nothing but hurting him lately...and I don't know what to do.

We have an appointment tomorrow with her doctor. I want to discuss with the doctor what we can do about her meds she is on for her ADHD. I can't tell the difference anymore when she is on meds and when she isn't. She also has these mood swings like she turns a 360!! I don't know I have said that it might be that she is bipolar but no one wants to listen. That's the thing I hate when dealing with doctors. If there is something wrong with our kids doesn't the mom know best? I know some moms are really nutty but most moms are all with it and they want only the best for their kids. I have told my husband I won't leave until I get answers. I have waited six months for this appointment...LOL.

Well I will keep you updated....catch ya later!

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I can't believe how stressful it is to have both kids in school. One is off some place and the other one is off another. I have been so exhausted lately that I don't even have time to write at night. I just sit on the couch and watch TV, my brain can't even start to handle looking at magazines or sit down and write something.

I have been falling behind hoping that this is just a phase. But maybe its my recovery from the surgery catching up with me. I have been working like a dog the past couple of months. I don't know what it is. But I need a routine bad. My daughter is constantly fighting with me on everything. I say no...she does it anyways. She's stealing all my personal things away from me. And I just can't deal with it because I am tired.

We do go see her pediatrician next week. I can't wait. I plan on telling her everything that has been going on. The lying, stealing, the hitting, the yelling...and the list goes on. I guess it could be what a teenager is about. I wish someone warned me before I had kids.

But now that fall is almost here things should settle down a bit...right? Oh but wait, my son's birthday is in November...Christmas is in December....my daughters birthday is in January...almost a week after Christmas!!! Yikes it never ends!

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School has started and both of my kids are there now. My daughter has started grade six...this is her second year in middle school. And my son is starting kindergarten. They are both in different schools. I didn't realize how much juggling I will have to do for them. Having parent teacher conferences in different schools and having different paperwork.

I have already started two separate file folders for them. One for her and one for him. My son only has half days which are a pain because you really can't get anything accomplished in the time he is gone. I have been resorting to not eating my lunch until he is gone. It's so nice and peaceful eating it without being disturbed.

But sometimes the silence bugs me. The last time I said that I wanted to get pregnant again. I couldn't handle the thought of my daughter growing up and not needing me. So I got pregnant again. But now my writing is taking off and there is no way that we would be able to do it. And there is that matter of me not having a uterus anymore which probably is a big factor! I just have to get used to this feeling and start enjoying the quiet time. How hard is it to let go? I think that is the hardest thing I have to do. Let go....

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So we caved in. We got another kitty. His name is Milo after my favorite actor Milo Ventimiglia (he's Peter on Heroes). I can't believe there is this furry baby in our house again. Milo is only 7 weeks old. I don't know whether he still needs milk or not??? I don't know. I am feeding him wet food three times a day. And he is eating it. So far so good...and he loves water. He is always in the kitchen drinking it. But about the litter thing. I really haven't seen the cat do anything in there. Everytime he tries Belle (our other kitten) races after him and attacks him. A little bit of a complex she has eh?

Also the kids are starting school on Tuesday. I can't wait. They have been fighting with the neighbors kids. Right now, my son just came back crying because they were trying to take his cars. Now this mother said she was having problems with her son losing them. I saw the car in the house and I now they think its theirs. I tell them to stay away from these kids but they keep going back. It's like Days Of Our Lives around here most of the time.

Ty starts school first thing Tuesday morning and goes again Wednesday afternoon. He usually has afternoon classes and it will go on like that until the end of the year. The half days bug me but there isn't much I can do because I want them to go home on the same bus. The kids are in different schools but they are on the same bus. I hope it goes easy for Ty because I feel like there are somethings he can't do by himself...like wipe his bum, pull up his pants or put on his shoes. He can do most of them if I ask him too but I'm afraid the teacher will have to help him. I hope they understand.

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I was hanging out in MyLOT...its a pay to post site. One parent wrote she had seen this and I had to share it!

The Toddler's Creed

If it is on, I must turn it off.

If it is off, I must turn it on.

If it is folded, I must unfold it.

If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.

If it is a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.

If it is high, it must be reached - at any cost.

If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.

If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.

If it has leaves, they must be picked and eaten.

If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.

If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.

If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.

If it is closed, it must be opened.

If it does not open, it must be screamed at.

If it has drawers, they must be rifled.

If it is a wax crayon or permanent marker, it must write on the refrigerator, furniture, floor and/or walls.

If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.

If it is empty, it will be more interesting filled.

If it is a pile of dirt, it must be rolled upon.

If it is a stroller, it must, under no circumstances, be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.

If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back and endless screaming.

If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon - preferably with a very hard object.

If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.

If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.

If it is paper, it must be torn.

If it has buttons, they must be pressed.

If the volume is low, it must go high.

If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.

If it is a drawer, it must be pulled open and - if at all possible - pulled completely out.

If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.

If it isn't a toothbrush, it must also be inserted into my mouth.

If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.

If it is a phone, I must scream to it.

If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.

If it doesn't stick on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.

If it sticks on my spoon, the spoon must be dropped on the floor.

If it is NOT food, it must be tasted.

If it IS food, it must NOT be tasted.

If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, juice, pee, or toilet wat

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I learned alot about life while I was out on my camping trip. These are the things I take for granted.

• I take for granted heat....when you are cold for days on end...you would do anything to be warm.
• I take for granted warm weather...it was so hot and humid when we left I didn't know it would get so cold.
• I take for granted toilets....I had to go to the bathroom in a porta potty with walls for days...I never will forget that smell.
• I take for granted sinks...I will never walk by a sink again without washing my hands. ...we had no sinks in the bathrooms there.
• I take for granted blankets....you can't have enough blankets when you are cold.
• I take for granted warm clothes...I didn't bring enough with me...I wish I did!
• I take for granted McDonalds?...the yummy greasy fries and Big Macs...I missed them so much.
• I take for granted fire...we had a fire ban two nights that we stayed there...we were so cold...I guess that's why we all slept in a big heap.
• I take for granted my pets....losing one of my cats in the woods has killed me...I wish he could be back home with us.

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