Simple Solutions to Talking to Your Teen

Mom Stages - Teens

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I remember when my oldest was a baby or toddler rather. At times it was hard to understand him. Trying to decipher the language of an infant or toddler is much like trying to figure out html coding for the first time. If you've never seen it before, you may wind up confused, frustrated, and a complete mess by the time you're done.

Fast forward 11 years and I think I have it figured out. While some parents feel like the teen years are when communication really breaks down, I'm probably part of the minority that believes talking to your teen gets easier, if not more interesting.

Let's consider the pluses of talking to your teen:

• There's not much of a language barrier. Unless he or she is talking with their mouth full, it's fairly easy to understand what they are saying.
• You have a wider range of topics you can discuss. As kids get older, you'll find that you can talk about more things with them than you used to. You likely wouldn't discuss your views on the war in Iraq with your toddler but at 15 and 16 your teen is more ready to hear what you think and likely has an opinion of their own as well.
• You have opportunity. Many parents don't take the opportunity to talk to with their teens. My father used to corner me with drives in the car, or breakfast at our favorite restaurant. Little did I know, I was being suckered into talking and communicating with him and all by being bribed with food. He's a smart man.

The key to talking to your teen is to not talk at them. What this means is that rather than you do all the talking, give them a chance to talk too. Ask questions that can't be answered with a yes, no, or shrug of the shoulders. Lead them into an answer with an answer to your own question. For instance start with something such as, "I was thinking..." and then tell them what you were thinking and ask their thoughts at the end of your statement.

One thing to avoid is pushing your teen into a conversation. Meaning the less you try to force a subject or discussion, the more likely he is to respond. Be casual, just like you would with the lady behind you in the grocery store. Ask their opinion often and really listen to what your teenager tells you, even if you don't like it. At this age, teens are being exposed to such topics as world news, technology, and entertainment at a much faster pace than we were at their age. As parents we have much to gain and learn from what they know and share with us.

Be creative in how you get your teenager to talk to you. An example of this is when I give all the other kids hugs and a kiss before bed. I stopped short of my teenage son and said, "Nah. You're too old for a hug and kiss." To my surprise, he looked at me and replied, "Who said?" Those two simple words told me that from time to time my son, who stands taller than me now still needs affection from his parents. He needs to feel loved and not just with words.

Conversations shouldn't happen simply because there is something to discuss (as in the dent in the car or missing curfew). Teens don't want to be talked to based on the assumption that they've done something wrong, are being asked to do something or even to dole out new rules and guidelines. Talking to your teen needs to happen on friendly terms as well in order for teens to feel that they can in turn confide in you when they need to.

The bottom line is to keep at it. Sometimes talking your teenager won't be easy. In fact, if you aren't a communicative family naturally, you may have trouble in the beginning. Don't give up; keep trying and pay attention to what works and what doesn't work. It may take different approaches but your teenager will begin to respond if they see that you are sincere and working hard at having a conversation with them.

 

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