Preteens and Texting

Mom Stages - Preteens

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When my daughters became preteens, cell phones were the last thing on my mind for a birthday or graduation gift. At 9 or 10 both were preteens in name only. One was still playing with American Girl dolls while the other maintained an extensive collection of High School Musical dolls and accessories. At some point one of my daughter's friends got a cell phone. Our world changed overnight.

My preteen was fascinated by her friend's cell phone. She talked about the phone nonstop. She pestered to get her own phone. I could not imagine why the friend's mom would give her a cell phone. She was in 4th grade at the time.

As 5th grade graduation approached, a few preteens received cell phones as gifts. By the time 6th grade rolled around almost all of my preteen's friends had cell phones. Many preteens were given cell phones with text messaging capabilities. All I heard during the fall, was how much fun her friend's were having with their cell phones. Some were texting friends on the school bus. Others were chatting to friends after school.

Against my better judgment, my husband bought our preteen a cell phone for her birthday. I thought she was too young at 12 years old. My husband reasoned that the phone would be useful when she spent the day at her volleyball tournaments. My preteen was ecstatic. I was resigned.

My preteen soon found excuses to call her friends. I should point out that we opted not to activate texting on her phone. She was disappointed, but did not complain as she was excited about having a phone.

All was well until I heard about a texting incident involving some preteens in her grade. One preteen texted another preteen about an issue at school involving a preteen boy and a preteen girl. Within hours, other preteens had jumped on the texting bandwagon. One of the moms was horrified by the language and sexually explicit themes she read in the texts after deciding to investigate the problem she had heard about.

Eighteen months later...my preteen is now a teen who still does not have texting activated on her phone. As hard as it is for my preteen to understand my decisions, as her parent I need to make sure that she is safe.

When not raising a kid, a preteen, and a teen to be safe online, Jill Berry blogs at Musings From Me.

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Janine 2009-06-13 03:20:40 I was shocked the other day when doing a video call with my 9 year old niece to see her friend in the background with a cell phone. The friend was sleeping over. I'm wondering if they were up that night texting?

musingsfromme (Editor) 2009-06-15 06:06:17 Janine-- I would not be surprised. At a party we hosted for my daughter, she required her friends to place their cell phones in a box. No texting or calls happened at her party! Jill

preteens and texting JMartin 2009-06-15 08:39:12 My daughter had been asking for a cell phone for several months and I told her she'd have to wait. Once in a while I would allow my daughter to text her friends from my phone. Once she texted a friend from my phone and the response from that friend was very rude. Clearly my daugther's feelings were hurt. Yet, I warned that the "rudeness" may not have been intentional. Texting and emailing can be dangerous because one can not always discern the context or inflection of voice. Later she pointed out that what this girl said was essentially a form of "cyber bullying" - she was right. No matter the form of communication, we need to impress upon our children that once words are spoken, or texted, or emailed, those words cannot be taken back and they must be mindful of their impact. My daughter learned a valuable lesson about respect and responsible texting that day and what it feels like to be on the receiving

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