Preteen: Not Quite Child, Not Quite Teen

I don't recall being a preteen. I'm not certain that the term was in use when I was between 9 and 12 years old. You were a child until you were 13, then a teen, before becoming an adult. End of story. Now childhood is a series of ages: babies, toddlers, preschoolers, children, preteens, and finally teens. The preteen stage is an example of an age of childhood with more than its fair share of issues, trials and tribulations, and ups and downs.

The preteen age division has the added problem of being the "not quite" stage. The preteen is not quite a child, but not quite a teen. My 10-year-old is an example of this dilemma. One day she might play with her younger sibling quite happily, while another day she will stay in her room listening to her ipod. There is no telling what mood she will be in from day to day. I'm not sure that she is sure how she is going to feel.

Since preteens can range in age from 9 through 12, some preteens are in elementary school while others are in middle school. Preteen elementary school students will chafe at the rigid rules of the elementary school. Rules designed for a tiny 5-year-old also apply to a tall 11-year-old. As a parent, I tell my daughter that she must do what she has always done in school:

• Listen to her teacher.
• Follow the school rules.
• Set an example for other students.
• Be a role model.
• Do her best when she does her schoolwork and homework.

Once the preteen moves on to middle school, he will be given more responsibilities for his schoolwork than in elementary school.

As a mom I want to monitor what my children wear. I want my preteen to look presentable at school and at family gatherings. Anyone who has shopped in a mall lately will have noticed that preteen clothing falls in to two categories:

• Children -- shorts, pants, shirts, sweatshirts from such stores as Gap, Old Navy, and Children's Place. These outfits are acceptable to moms as the clothes are reasonably priced, made of sturdy fabric, and modest.
• Teen -- shorts, pants, shirts, sweatshirts from such stores as abercrombie, Hollister, and Aeropostale. The outfits from these stores are overpriced, shoddily made, and revealing, in some cases. As a mom I would rather my preteen wear something more childlike.

It's relatively easy to steer a child in the direction of clothes you want to buy. I'm not saying that children don't have preferences. My 4-year-old insisted on wearing dresses for the better part of a year. While it was difficult to keep her favorite dresses the clean, the dresses were at least modest and made out of durable, kid-friendly fabrics.

Once my daughter turned 9, all she talked about was Hollister this and Hollister that. The first time she took me in to the store I was assaulted by the overpowering aroma of perfume. I struggled with letting her get clothes from stores in the mall, but in the end I relented. I did establish a ground rule for choosing clothes: All clothing must be approved by mom even if purchased with the preteen's own money.

As a preteen, my oldest loves listening to music on her ipod. The ipod was her first gift that was of significant value. At first she wanted to download all her Disney and Kidz Bopz CDs on to her ipod. Her dad and I were in full agreement with this move. At some point she asked to listen to a song that had some questionable lyirics/themes. While I no longer recall the title of the song, I do remember talking to my daughter about the reasons why she was not allowed to download that song. She argued with me that her preteen friends were allowed to listen to any music that they wanted. I assured her that I understood her frustration, but in my opinion she was not old enough to have free choice over all her music. As parents of a preteen, I find that I am constantly struggling with her need to grow up too fast.

My preteen and I have endless discussions about movies. She feels that she is too old for Disney movies. I understand her need to watch the latest movies, but I want to make sure that the movies I let her see are appropriate. When my preteen mentions a movie, I go to Common_Sense_Media for ratings information. The movie choice for a 12-year-old may not work for a 9-year-old and vice versa. The temperament and sensibility of the preteen also need to be considered.

With a preteen you never know who you will be dealing with: the preteen who wants to be a child again or the preteen who can't wait to be a teen. Enjoy your preteen by taking each day as it comes.

When not wondering what her preteen will listen to next, Jill Berry blogs at www.writingmylifeoneblogatatime.blogspot.com