Parent-Teacher Conferences with Twins

Written by Janine Nickel

Mom Types - Twins and Multiples

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This is our second year of parent-teacher conference and already we are learning that comparisons are something that we will just have to live with. Comparisons happen with regular siblings but having 2 or more kids in the same grade at the same time makes it difficult to appreciate that each person will have a different experience.

Playing Favorites

Every teacher has a different style of teaching. Some are touchy-feely, while others are more direct. Some speak softly and use positive reinforcement while others are more firm and are quick to react to disruptive behavior. So what happends when twins are placed in separate classes and have teachers with completely different teaching styles? The parents play favorites. How can we not? We get to compare at least two different classes in terms of how quickly the class is covering topics, the homework that comes home, how teachers are handling situations, and what the kids (well, our kids) think of their teachers.

The key is to try and remember that each child is having a unique experience. One may love school this year, and have a more difficult experience next year. And, if every teacher was the same, the world would be a really boring place - right?

Bait and Switch

My twins are fraternal. They look different, They act different. And as soon as you have their personality traits sorted out....they go and change them. Correction: they don't change, they SWITCH. For example, when one of our daughters has been having a tough time saying goodbye in the morning I know to ride it out because after a few weeks she feels better....and then the other one starts in with the same problem.

This can often be applied to what is happening in school. Just when one has mastered a skill you've been working on with them for weeks, the other one will start to be confused and need extra help in that area. How does this apply to parent-teacher conferences?

Don't be surprised if you sit down with a teacher expecting to hear concerns about your child when they surprise you and say everything is just perfect. And then you head into the class where you thought everything was going well, and you get an earful from the teacher.

Become an Advocate

What we have learned is to put our expectations (of our twins, of their teachers) to the side and become advocates for what is best for each child, individually, with that teacher, in that class, for that year. For some of you, this could mean letting one twin enter the advance math or reading group. For others it may mean reaching out to one teacher a little more, volunteering in only one class a little more than the other, or setting up a meeting with one child and the counselor. Not everything has to be dealt with as a twin unit, especially in school where they are leaning at different speeds, and in different environments. Just try to do what's best for them at that time with the experience they are having.

chalkboard image via keepmesane

Janine Nickel is the mother of 6-year old twin girls. She writes about her twins, raising girls, her own neuroses, an every day adventures at TwoferMom.com.