Blended Families
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Some of yours, some of his, maybe some ours as well. Your life is not the Brady bunch, but you make it work. How do you deal with dual parenting, custody and holidays? Spend sometime here and share your story. Blended Families Editor- Brandy Tanner |
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Blended families are commonly referred to as step families, and are increasingly common among society today. If you were to create a poll for children in elementary school probably one third of them would respond they have a
step parent or that their biological parents don't reside in the same household.
It is that time of year, holiday season, and if you haven't already determined how to share your children the time has come to make the decisions on how to split up the kids for the holiday. Sounds so harsh, let's split up our children, but the reality is that many children are living in a blended family situation and must share their holidays. What works for my family is to split Thanksgiving every other year. On the even years my ex boyfriend gets our daughter for the day and I get her for dessert at end of day. This year I am going through a separation with my husband but we plan to spend the holidays together, and in the future we may share the same way I share my daughter with her father.
Being raised in a co-parenting situation I can say from personal experience that having each parent express rude comments to or about the other parent is inappropriate. Even to this day, and I am nearly twenty eight years old, my parents still seem to think it's okay to talk badly about the other parent should they not agree. This makes it tough as child trying to find their way in the world and trying to cope with two different homes. Eventually the child will grow to fear opening up to each parent about the other one because it will only lead to name calling and parent bashing, rather than resolving the situation at hand.
As October nears I find myself facing a birthday situation. My oldest child is shared with my ex boyfriend and we have shared her for nearly seven years. This year my daughter has started questioning her birthday party situation. For the first few years of her life my ex and I attended each others parties. The first birthday we actually did as a combined family event, however, the event was not that wonderful.
The blended families category is a great way to share your expertise, advice and personal stories relating to raising and living in a blended family situation. There are many definitions of what a blended family is, but it can be anything from remarrying with children involved to adoption within a family. Raising children in a blended family environment can create many issues but if you handle each situation that arises properly and firmly you will be able to create a loving, healthy home environment that your child can flourish from.
Whether you are looking to fix a relationship, solve a problem or deal with step parenting; communication is key to an amicable resolution. Blended families come in all different sizes, shapes and colors. A blended family may be that of a step mom or step dad with a birth mom or dad. A blended family may be adopted children with biological children or something in between those examples. No matter what type of blended family you are, challenges may arise.
Co-parenting creates many challenges, not only are you not aware of everything that happens in the other parents home but now when you do find out it is through the mouth of your child. This situation leaves you hearing a child's version of everything that occurs in the other home, you no longer have an adult to step in and tell what really happened. If your child comes home and tells you about their visit with the other parent and you find yourself fuming angry then please stop and think before you react, this could change the outcome of the situation from a unhappy one to a more positive one.
Blended families are commonly referred to as stepfamilies. They are increasingly common among society today. If you were to create a poll for children in elementary school probably one third of them would respond they have a stepparent or that their biological parents don't reside in the same household.
Children who are a part of a stepfamily may resist the new parental figure in their home; this is natural behavior, especially if they have very involved parents. As a product of a stepfamily myself, I must say that I resisted my stepfather, although not married to my mother, he was referred to as my stepfather. My teenage years were the worst. I would fight him tooth and nail on anything he said. I had a father, and felt I did not need another
As a mother to a child who has both a stepfather and involved biological father, I try to that her stepfather is not trying to replace her dad. I tell her he is an extension of her already loving family. This has worked for my child. However, it may not work for all and here are some tips to help create a more pleasant bonding, loving relationship between stepfamilies:
Remember this is Real Life
Television may make a stepfamily look perfect but, this is real life. No matter how much you wish things to be perfect instantly, there will be much work to do before you have a perfect home life situation as a blended family.
Patience is a virtue
Any relationship will take time and you must understand that as a stepparent you have come into a family based on the love you have for your new spouse. Children take time to trust a new parent figure and being patient will help this new stepparent bond happen sooner rather than later
High Expectations Will Result in Failure & Disappointment
Remember that you have come into a family as the stepparent, with this comes time. A child needs to know you love them and care about them, however, as a stepparent all you can do is leave your heart and arms wide open, communicate with your stepchild or stepchildren to let them know you care about them. Eventually, with patience and love the bond will develop
When you marry your new partner you are in love with him or her. However, it may take time for you and their children to love each other. Although you may adore the idea of stepchildren; it's nearly unrealistic to come in and expect respect
The best way to slowly gain trust, respect and love from your new stepchildren would be to make sure you encourage and appreciate them whenever doing something good. Be sure to include the children in any family decision making. Maybe you came into their life with your own children, allow them to take part in choosing who will share a room or if remodeling must be done, allow them to take part in that as well.
Overall, as a stepparent who is seeking to gain a bond with their stepchildren, you must remain patient, calm and, caring. Show the children with your actions and words how you feel about them, in time you will see a bond that has been perfected over time.
Being a stepparent must be a hard role, especially if the other parent is very involved. You may find yourself feeling like you are not able to discipline the step child because the other parent is very involved, however, as a stepparent you are the person of the house.
As we near the middle of the year 2009, it seems blended families are very common than ever before. There are many studies out there in the world stating that a child who lives in a home with a biological parent and a stepparent have lower grades and more behavioral issues than those who are living with both biological parents.
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