Making Time for You With a New Baby

Mom Stages - New Motherhood

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When my daughter was two weeks old, my husband and I had our first post-baby date. We had a three hour window in between rounds of nursing in which to snatch up some “alone” time. We went to an inexpensive little dive we liked to frequent in our less-busy, pre-baby days and followed that with a trip to the Dollar Tree and a quick run to the grocery store. I was elated. I remember wondering if people could tell that I had just had a baby - that I had changed. I’d been to these places before as my former, unaltered self. Surely they noticed that I, this woman who obviously hadn’t been out in a while, was a recent recipient of some life-changing event. This night will always stick out in my mind as one of the first times I realized how profoundly my life, or rather, I  had changed through the birth of my daughter. As the months progressed, we went on several more three hour outings (many of them filled with my tears of guilt for leaving her) and each made me feel more normal - more human. Once we got milkshakes at McDonalds… that’s all. It was luxurious!

In the weeks and months following the birth of your sweet little baby, you may feel a loss of the familiar. Why wouldn’t you when all that you now experience is basically new? I found that my one connection to the real world was date night. Being away from the baby reminded me that there was a ME and an US. In a time when your entire life revolves around BABY, remembering that there is a YOU is an invaluable experience.

For those of you holding a newborn (unshowered, unfed and feeling unlovely) you may be thinking, “Yeah, right”. Perhaps you don’t have a family member or trusted friend to watch the baby. Perhaps a night out alone with your significant other isn’t possible. Perhaps you and your baby are alone in this endeavor. No matter what the case, you owe it to yourself and your little one to make a go of it. And by go, I mean, “go out”. Here are a few ideas as to how to go about it:

• A few hours is all you need: Whether it’s a trip to the mall to pick up some diapers and onesies or a dinner at your favorite restaurant, a little one-on-one time with your sweety or a good friend is just what the doctor ordered. It may seem strange at first. There most likely will be some guilt on your part for being away from your bundle - that’s to be expected. You need to remember one important new mommy rule in times like this: you need to take care of yourself before you can effectively take care of your baby! Taking care of you includes giving yourself a break now and then, even if it’s only for a few hours.

• You don’t need the Ritz: A quick $10 manicure with a girlfriend qualifies as a “date” for the purposes of this article. As I mentioned, my milkshake at McDonalds was one of the most therapeutic nights I spent in my early days as a mom. As I recall, I spent the majority of it tearfully relaying my perceived maternal shortcomings to my husband, who calmed me and ultimately, made me feel better. I didn’t even realize that I felt that way until I got out and about. At times, a mere scenery change is enough to let yourself loosen up a bit. It may be a cheap date but the effects will be lasting.

• You can fly solo: No one available? Go out alone. Treat yourself to a stroll through your favorite park or put on something that makes you feel nice and go to your favorite bookstore/boutique/wherever. The place is not important but the time spent thinking about something beside diapers, formula and crying is.

• When all else fails, break out the stroller: If you find yourself getting to the end of your rope… or even the middle of you rope... get that baby hitched up in the stroller/sling/carrier and hit the town. When I would get antsy during my daughter's early days, wondering if and when she would sleep during the day, I would walk the mall with her in her sling. Not only was it good for her (she slept, well, like a baby in that thing) but it was good for me too. I had an excuse to get out, to speak to other adults, and to put on a little lipstick. Plus, carrying around an extra 10 pound weight as you walk is great exercise!

When all is said and done, remember: you are important. Your relationships and friendships are important. Don’t feel bad for taking a little time to cater to them. You will spend the rest of your life caring for the little life you just brought into the world. Take time to fit yourself in there too! Even though 110% of who you are is going into keeping someone else healthy, happy and well fed, make sure that you squeeze in a little time to care for you too. 

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Great job! Dianna (Publisher) 2009-02-19 05:56:03 I love this article! It's a great reminder for those of us moms with older kids too.

Good advice mindy 2009-02-19 09:54:09 I'm bookmarking this one - I'll be a new mom in two months and will need to remember this advice!

Great Article Bridget 2009-02-19 11:29:43 Thanks Amber, this is a great article. I will definitely remember this in a few months. I like how you tried to make this concept possible to those w/ limited funds or a limited babysitter list.

grocery store Christine 2009-02-19 13:29:24 Amber, How helpful your article was/is. I remember with my first child. My outing was to the grocery store. I felt like a real person again. A women with a mission. I fixed my hair, put on lipstick and cute shoes and off I went. The advise to do so was from a very sweet lady who called me out of the blue to see how I was fairing as new single mom. I believe I cried hard and stated that my baby had been crying for hours. She had (collic). I felt so bad for her and tried everything to calm her. I just cried along with her until the bout had passed. This lovely lady said she would be right over and the crying would not bother her as much as it was me. She gently encouraged me to get out of the house and she would babysit. I was gone for about 2 hours. Seemed like 10. I was refreshed and human again. I told this lovely lady that she was an angle sent to my aide. She was a busy mom herself with 2 small chil...

kimworld (Author) 2009-02-23 12:03:14 Great Article!! One of my first outings post baby was to the library. I just sat in the reading room and listened to the quiet for a few minutes.

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