Mom Topics - Just for Mom

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Every day, some version of  "I am never going to get everything done!" pops in to my head. I'm not talking about my professional life when I say that, it's my home life where I feel constantly behind. And I'm tired of it.

I am not a self-help book kind of person, I don't want fake advice from people I don't know and will never meet. But I'm tired of feeling I'm on the verge of chaos all the time.

My solution? Ask people I know, people I think are successful. They may not be successful in every single aspect of their lives every day, but that's because they are real people. They are moms, writers, good friends and are either out in the workforce now or have been. I figured if anyone gets close to "doing it all" it would be these women.

You may know some of these fantastic people, but if you don't already, you should take the time to get to know them. I asked them each a set of questions and they emailed me their answers. I'm trying to implement their answers already!

Dawn Cole

Part-time PR Consultant, Full-time Student

Family life: Married with two children; Madeline, 12 and  Matthew, 10

Where to find me: Not Going Postal or @lettergirl on Twitter

My thoughts:

Not everything is going to get done. If you cross-stitch, make yourself a pillow that says that. Also, if you cross-stitch, stop reading this. Because if you have time for that, you don't need to be reading advice from me.

I'm going to get all esoteric on you. My favorite philosopher, Paul Ricouer, says that our lives are all narratives (as a writer, I love that), and as such, our story is ultimately judged on how we interact with others. I tend to turn into a maniac when I am cleaning the house, and turn into a raving jaberwocky, screeching at everyone in the house to get off the couch and join in. If we are having company, make that a two-headed jaberwocky that breathes fire. Then one day in the middle of this, my daughter wrote "I hate holidays at our house because my mom goes crazy cleaning and we have to be her slaves."

Now, she has a predisposition to drama. But still. What is the ultimate memory I want her to have? "Our house was perfect and my mom was constantly stressed," or "my mom sometimes waited to vacuum until new creatures came to life from the shedded dog fur accumulating in corners, but we laughed a lot."

I pick B.

Only do the tasks you can do with joy. Let go of the standards that make you miserable. If you need to feed your children chicken nuggets so you have time to feed your own soul, do that from time to time.

But so you don't live in a pit, give your kids a role in chores as soon as they're old enough to put a plate in a dishwasher.

Kami Huyse

President and COO, Zoetica

Family life: Married with three children; son age 6, daughter age 3, and son age 18-months

Where to find me: Communication Overtones or @kamichat on Twitter

How I do it all(most)

Color outside the lines. Be willing to improvise. I have taken important conference calls outside of my son's play practice and I even took a headhunter's call for an important VP position while I was breastfeeding my first son. I almost got that job, too. Glad I didn't.

Get help. I get a house cleaning service every two weeks and it makes an amazing difference. When I look at how many hours they spend for their cost, it actually costs me less to have them clean than to do it myself. There were many years where I really couldn't afford it, and I would clean as I went since I didn't have a block of time. One of my friends cleans the house after the kids go to bed.

Enlist a tribe. Recently when my husband was out of town on a work trip, three of my friends and I got together for a potluck, with kids. We all had a great time, the kids loved it, and it made an otherwise crazy week more enjoyable. For those of us that don't have grandparents nearby, it is essential to have people you can count on to pitch in occasionally. It also helps to have a GREAT husband, mine does laundry and kid duty when I am out of town.

The early bird... I am a night owl and hate getting up early. But I find that when I stay up late to work, I waste a lot of time on Twitter and other activities. Plus, no matter how late I stay up the kids need to rise at 6:30am and get out to daycare/school by 7:30 am. Recently, I have been going to bed at 9 pm with my husband, who has to rise at 4:30 am for his commute. I get up at 5 am, get dressed and usually get in an hour of work every morning. Believe me, not many of the usual suspects are up chatting at that hour, which equals productivity for me.

Redefine work. Before I started my own business in 2002, I worked as a Director of Communications for a trade association in Washington, D.C.  One of my assistants, after she had two kids, negotiated to work from home two days a week. We spelled out how it would work and sold it to management. She was as industrious as ever, and with IM, it was like she was sitting in the next office as usual. I learned a lot from that experience - mostly that your work schedule IS negotiable if you can clearly define and live up to your deliverables. And like me, you can strike out on your own if you need. And now that I have launched a new partnership and have co-workers again, I am redefining work yet again. For how I manage that, see #1.

Rachel Matthews

Mom, Cook, Child Wrangler, Household Domestic Diva and Full-On Household CEO

Family life: Married.  June 2010 was our 9 year wedding anniversary and we've been together for nearly 13 years.  My husband is the reason that my blog is entitled: A Southern Fairytale.  In storybooks, fairy tales end with the I Do's. My Southern Fairytale, began with the I Do's, the kiss, the promise of ever after. We have two kids, "Princess" is 6 1/2  and Monkey is 3 3/4 years old.

Where you can find me: Rachel Matthews:  Founder and Author: A Southern Fairytale;   Food Channel Editor:  Blissfully Domestic; and @sthrnfairytale on Twitter

Most time-consuming thing you do: Living?  Thinking about food and recipes, creating them in my head and dreaming of my ideal kitchen. Honestly, it's parenting and living.  Attempting to balance being a mom, a wife, a woman, a blogger, a photographer, a foodie, a writer. Living my life. That's the most time consuming thing I do.

How I get it done: Day by day.  Some days start with a list, some days have a schedule.  Most of the time, it's flying by the seat of our pants ;-)

It's coloring outside the lines, creating lunches out of the first 5 things out of the kids mouths, spending afternoons reading under tents of chairs, sheets and dreams.  Being unable to finish a lunch in under 30 minutes because my son is incapable of shutting his mouth :-)

I have my plans and my must do's but, I allow my kids imaginations and desires and passions to rule sometimes.  I try to balance their burgeoning personalities with the fact that they are children and need structure and discipline.

I have no idea what I'm doing :-) I just do.

I treat them with respect and love, when I've done wrong... I apologize and explain.
It's a balancing act and every day I question whether I'm doing it right and then I get a kiss on the elbow as a child streaks past me, or a random hug or a shouted; "Mom, you're the best MOM EVER"  sparkling eyes, wet kisses, breath snatching hugs and the fact that my children never leave out a Yes ma'am, please, thank you and that my 3 yo son opens doors for everyone.. these things are hints that I just may be doing something right.

Lauren Vargas

Sr. Community Manager at Radian6

Married with two daughters; Merrick, 6yo and Lyra, 4mo

Where to find me: @VargasL on Twitter and The Root Report

Q: Most time-consuming thing you do?

A: Work...multiple jobs

Q: How do you get it done?

A: I am a person of routine...having a schedule means that daily (small, but important details) tasks are completed at the same time, all the time. I know how much time I have available at all times, so I can plan for children activities, an extra conference call or me-time.

For the first time in six years, I do not have a nanny or any daycare service. I thought I could do it all and be successful with a full time job, working from home. This is not possible. For three months, I have felt guilty for not being able to juggle a newborn and 6yo as smoothly as I expected. I have realized that for me to be successful in all areas of my life, I need to learn to let go and ensure the time I spend with kids/family is quality time. When I am tired, stressed and overwhelmed, no one is happy.

Q: How do you manage to be a good mom, a successful employee, and have a solid relationship?

A: I work A LOT, but I make an effort to pepper my day with frequent breaks to take care of me and give time to the kidlettes. I love lists (online and offline)...if something is not on the list, it does not get done. Time management and routine are essential to me being able to succeed at any task.

Q: Do you have any hobbies, and if so, how do you manage to do them?

A: I make time every evening to read something other than work related material. This gives me a chance to empty my mind and briefly escape reality. Not a bad thing to let the mind wander without purpose before getting a good night's sleep. Also, I make time at least once a week to sit down and write (not blog or work related), work on my novel (that may be published ONE day) or scrapbook. Both hobbies require singular focus and help me relax from the daily grind and infuse me with energy to keep going.

Q: I want your tips, especially anything that can help other women manage their worlds. Or maybe just me...

A: There are so many online calendars and task management systems, but nothing beats my moleskine. I use both computer and paper to track all of my commitments, but my notebook houses much more than to-do lists...it captures my inner most thoughts and ideas. Great for keeping the mind open and stress to a minimum. ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE

Jennifer S. Wilson

Main occupation: I have no idea what to say here, because it's not a simple thing. My education is in earth science and I work full time as a project manager at a large midwestern university. I also run my own blog (Simple Scrapper), work for the largest site in digital scrapbooking (DigiShopTalk) and do freelance web design work on the side.

Family life: Married to an amazing man who is a touch older than I am! I've got two step kids who are 15 and 19. The 15 year old is just learning to drive and the 19 year old just finished his first year in college - and I'm only 30!

Where to find me: I'm @jenniferswilson on Twitter or , Blogs:  http://www.jenniferswilson.com, and Simple Scrapper

Q: Most time-consuming thing you do?

A: Every Sunday I post my favorite new products from 20-25 of the top digital scrapbooking shops. Most of my blog posts take 30-45 minutes and this one takes 2-3 hours! Other than that, I probably spend the next most amount of time removing pet hair from floors and furniture. I own the domain pethairsolution.com because I am determined to find it!

Q: How do you get it done?

A: I don't get it all done and I've learned to be OK with that. A to-do list is meant to be an evolving document, not something you finish forever. I succeed because I have a great partner who shares the household duties with me 50-50, though I'll admit I probably get away with doing less than my share. Routines are a challenge because one of us is traveling 4-5 days a month every month and we only have the kids half time. I've learned more about going with the flow in the past 2 years than in the 28 prior to that! I make sure to work in my hobbies. I love all types of crafts but will admit that most of my creative time is spent with the computer these days. My best friend just bought me some hand-dyed alpaca wool in Peru, so I MUST get back to knitting soon! I'm also trying to incorporate more paper crafts into my blog posts so that I get to play offline a little more.

I don't get enough sleep nor enough exercise... but I do Tivo some of the less educational shows on Bravo and try to sneak in 30 minutes a day of escapist frivolity. I also use cooking dinner as my meditation time - it's really the only time of day that I'm not connected to my BlackBerry or my computer.

My biggest tip is to think critically about what is filling your time and narrow your activities to what offers the most benefit (or the most joy) for the time, money and energy required. Use outsourcing where you can in your personal life and your business. Most components of your life are the result of choices, so you definitely have the power to shape and change your situation.

Lessons Learned

So, I think I get it. Give yourself a break. Really, truly, understand that you can't get it all done. Prioritize. Do things that make you happy. I'm working on it ladies, and I appreciate your help!

Now, to make a new To-Do list...

Sherry Carr-Smith is a mom to a 5 year-old son and a 4 month old son, a wife, a public relations counselor, and a scrapbooker. She's trying to learn to do all of those things at the same time. Connect with Sherry on Twitter @prCarrS

Photo copyright Rachel Matthews of A Southern Fairytale. Used with permission.

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