If Something Can go Wrong on a Holiday, It Will

Written by Sara Barton Wednesday, November 25 2009 04:03

Mom Topics - Family and Marriage

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There are times when I really wish the powers-that-be would create some kind of insurance for the holiday-impaired. But, let me clarify: I'm not the one who is holiday-impaired. It is everyone and everything around me that is completely messed up.

For example, the year Hubs and I got married, we thought it would be a great idea to make the seven-hour car ride with the Big Kid, who was 4 at the time, to spend Turkey Day with his brother. However, Hubs didn't get off work until 5, which meant that we were doing our holiday traveling at rush hour. We were making great time until we got to the outerbelt of the next major city. According to the local radio stations, there was a fatal accident that had traffic backed up, literally, into the next county, so we did what we though was the smart thing: we got off the freeway and onto a back road. However, unbeknownst to us, traffic was being diverted onto that same road. We decided to suck it up and just make the drive. And then, the worst possible thing happened - the Big Kid had to go to the potty and couldn't hold it for one second longer. So, there we were - trapped in hours of gridlock with a tired, cranky, and now wet child, who was trapped in her car seat. That was a road trip that will live in infamy.

Because of the traumatic events of that particular roadtrip, we didn't attempt the same trip for several years (until the Baby was two). She was potty training and proud of the fact that she was wearing pull-ups instead of diapers. We made it to my brother-in-law's house without incident, until the big day itself. We arrived at Hub's brother's house, only to realize that we had forgotten the diaper bag, but we weren't worried because the Baby was really good about letting us know when she needed to go to the bathroom, plus we had her potty with us. All went well until the first trip to the bathroom when the sides of her pull-ups ripped. Hubs and his brother raced around the house, desperately searching for a solution until my father-in-law produced a roll of duct tape. While her pull-ups had been repaired, the Baby was in no mood and she let us (and everyone else within a 2 mile radius) know precisely how miserable she was.

One Christmas, Hubs and I were dead broke and we knew that we would not be able to pull off the holiday meal we wanted. We tried to grin and bear it. I roasted chicken quarters while Hubs and my brother raced off to the nearest convenience store for whatever they could find to round out the meal. Needless to say, it will be a while before I serve chicken quarters, Ritz crackers, pepperoni, and cheese in a can in the same meal.

If you want to challenge your cooking abilities, try making a holiday meal without the use of a stove. One year, our stove died the night before Thanksgiving, which only left me with the use of our barbecue, toaster oven, and microwave. Thankfully, we are, if nothing else, resourceful, but I had to be extremely creative in the execution of the meal.

I keep hoping that just once we will have a picture-perfect holiday, and I will learn to relax and enjoy. This year, Hubs is begging for a turkey deep fryer, but I have my doubts. After all, this is the man I like to refer to as "Danger Boy" because of his propensity for doing ridiculously dangerous things when there are flammable materials present. I think that this is one story I will be very happy to prevent.

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