Mom Types - Suburban Moms

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There are self perpetuating myths surrounding the Suburban Stay at Home Mothers, her identity and  her motivators.  Just because you are a stay at home mother doesn’t mean you aren’t busy, nor does it mean you are ill educated, unmotivated or the proper little house proud woman.  The stigma attached to SAHMs are based on myths and stereotypes that have been promoted by half-truths and, often, by prejudiced viewpoints. The myths are sometimes subtle and subconscious, but the more we examine them, the more clearly we take responsibility for our lives and the lives of our children.

Before going on any further, I acknowledge and give kudos to the working mothers, single mums and any other family structural unit I have not mentioned, who work either inside or out of the home. Perhaps there are some myths listed below that also resonate with your situation and I hope they bring some clarity for you; however this article is aimed primarily at the Suburban SAHM in no way devalues the contribution given by other types of mothers.

Debunking the Myths

MYTH:

We are home all day. We have plenty of time to clean the house and do the laundry.

REALITY:

We may be home all day, but so are our kids. Most toddlers I know can undo any cleaning or tidying that a mother can in less time it takes to turn around. A house with children might not necessarily be in complete squalor to be untidy – its all those ‘bits’ that populate the entire area -  the hole punched dots, the scraps of paper, material, glitter and small piles of strategically placed toys which will make the house look messier than it actually is. At the end of the day, most mothers have tidied and cleaned the main rooms half a dozen times and it still looks the way it does. No wonder most of us just give up.

MYTH:

Time on our hands – can do anything thing – committee role, fundraisers, volunteering work.

REALITY:

I would like to have severe words with whoever started the misconception that SAHMs have all this time on their hands, and thus, should there be tasks or jobs to be done, be immediately handed them.  Yes - we may be home all day, but so are the children. Most schools and organizations do not allow underage children into the workshop, tuckshop or kitchen areas in order to allow mothers to assist with meals or other volunteer roles. Many schools would benefit from parents who were able to volunteer time to help with reading or classroom assistance; but will not allow smaller children to accompany the parent into the room.

MYTH:

SAHMs come from a rich family or their partner has a very well paid role – so they can afford to relax at home.

REALITY:

The cost of childcare often does not offset the wage that the extra parent may bring in. More often than not, despite the mother having a full time paid role, she will also pick up the housework duties, caring for children and meal preparation – begging the question – why bother?  Coupled with the stress of what to do with sick children, juggling vacation times and the real contact parents have with their kids on a daily basis, makes the proposition of two parents working unfeasible.

MYTH:

SAHMs are unskilled

REALITY:

There is a growing number of career women, who after birthing, decide to swap their pinstriped suits for jeans and their briefcases for prams. According to The US Census Bureau’s 2006 survey, the most recent available, The United States has an estimated 5.6 million “stay-at-home” mothers. Stay-at-home mums are still a minority in the US - 25 per cent of children in two-parent families have a mother who does not work. But these numbers are growing, with 55% of women returning to the labor force within a year of giving birth with is down nearly 10% from the year before. In Australia, recent Bureau of Statistics figures show that 62.5 % of women returned to work with a year of their baby's birth. However neither of these figures detail if a return to work is full time or on a part time basis, especially as workplaces are becoming more flexible, encouraging working from home.

These statistics bring up another question of valuing the SAHM as a position within society. The stigma being that a SAHM somehow equates to being unable or unmotivated enough to find a ‘real’ job. What's so embarrassing about saying, 'I am raising my own children' as your ‘real’ job? Until mothers – of all types band together and stop judging one another and ourselves, the role of SAHM will always be at a lower standard to others, undervalued and under appreciated.

MYTH:

We stay home all day, so our lives should be totally organized.

REALITY:

Although we are home all day, we also have our children around us. In my experience, it is very difficult to do anything with kids around. They have an innate sense on when I am on an important phone call or trying to complete something which is time sensitive or requires concentration. There is always a need to have a book read to them, or that they are hungry, need help going to the toilet, or they need a drink. Jobs I can’t remember how on earth I got done whilst I was at work – fall into my lap to complete sometime in my day. These may include car repairs, picking up dry cleaning, getting quotes for renovations or repairs for the house, appointments for health related issues, purchasing birthday, Christmas and other gifts. We use a diary and scheduling system to try and keep our life organized – but it needs to be flexible enough to divert into what is needed to be done at a specific time.

The Future?

With the rising number of two-career families, growing cost of living, sagging home prices, mounting hours at work and a looming recession, perhaps the SAHMs days are numbered, where different strategies for childcare be explored or workplaces becoming more flexible than they are currently.   Society has been through a period where the older notions, those quaint '50s kind of ideas of what a good mother should be, have been reasserting themselves through the media, modern role models of actresses and celebrities bouncing back into shape and career immediately and through the plethora of self help books and sites. The constant  seems that whatever a mother's economic or educational status, homemaking remains underappreciated.

As with so many aspects of parenting, we can choose to perpetuate the myths or  rise to the challenge and find better outcomes for our families.What myths and stories have you allowed remain within your family situation? Do they serve or hinder your decisions to stay at home?

Image courtesty of wikimedia.org

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