Single Moms
Life as a single Mom is not always easy but my humorous side has always played a part in surviving single motherhood for the past eight years. I truly think that without my sense of humor I'd have fallen apart. It gives me the strength to realize that there are some definite advantages to being the head of the household (although at times, I think my eight year old daughter is).
Single parenting is truly one of the most difficult roles to settle into but it can also be one of the most rewarding. I have been a single parent of five children for eight years. There are plenty of books written on the subject but nothing can substitute for real life experience. Is there a secret to making single parenting easier? Not really. It's always a work in progress but there is one word that comes to mind when I reflect on the often rocky road I have traveled over the past eight years: consistency.
Parenting was never meant to be a one person job but for the many single parents of today, that is reality. Whether it be by choice or by circumstance, parenting alone is exhausting, stressful, and can actually pose great risks to the well-being of mother and child. All parents need breaks, and if you are a single work-at-home mom this may be next to impossible unless you have somebody actually come to give you a break. I am a single work-at-home mom and I am happy to say there are many ways to squeeze in those breaks during the day -- even with your child right there.
Life a single moms can be both challenging and rewarding. The perspective you take throughout this journey will determine if your days are filled with sadness or joy. Here are a few tips to make the trip a peaceful one and hopefully motivate you to be successful in this role.
As a single mom, it's a challenge to get any ME time in your MOM schedule, isn't it? It sure can feel you are always there for your kids, and your schedule is over-full and jam-packed the rest of the day with work, commute and errands.
So how can you get some MomME time?
People become single parents for various reasons, divorce and death are what come to my mind first, followed by military duty and jail. There are other reasons people are single parents too.
Trust me I know.
Are you a single mom facing Valentine's Day? Are you dating a great guy, but having difficulty getting a baby sitter on Valentine's Day? Or maybe you are single mom who is really single with no date or dating prospects on Valentine's Day? Are you feeling a little down in the dumps in your heart?
Single moms can be women who never married moms, divorced moms, or widowed moms. You might even be a mom again raising your daughter's children and being a single mom.
It's not an easy task, raising three kids alone and then add to the mix three really bad, really miserable marriages and you get an idea of what it was like. I survived...you can too.
You know it and your ex knows it, but your kids will have it somewhere locked in their little minds that if you and your ex are divorcing, then you will divorce them too. It really depends upon how old the kids are as to how prevalent this is in divorce situations. Very young children, to the age of 2 years old, don’t have the ability to understand what divorce is; all they know is one parent is no longer in the house. Kids from ages 3 to 10 years old are the children who are most affected by this “are you divorcing me too” mentality. Older kids are more likely to express anger and not fear concerning the divorce; they just want to know why you are doing this terrible thing to them.
Divorce is difficult for everybody concerned but the most affected are the kids and you must not ever forget that. The adjustment period for them is much slower than it is for you. They still love the other parent, even if you don’t and you have to respect those feelings. You also have to respect that the other parent still loves the kids and you should respect that aspect too, no matter how much resentment you have for him or her.
You might ask, “How can I let my kids know they are still loved the same by both parents?” Words are cheap and actions speak volumes. You need to show them and not just tell them. Children, especially young children, can’t comprehend some of the words you are telling them but they do understand your actions. They understand when you are angry with your ex and express that openly and they understand when you are happy and get along with your ex. This is how you help your children adjust from going from a two parent home to a one parent home.
You can help your children adjust more smoothly:
- Allow them as much time with the other parent as they need. Don’t be spiteful and hold strict to visitation guidelines. Your kids need to know your ex is there when they need him or she and you should allow them the opportunity to show them the he or she is there for them.
- Let your kids call your ex as often as they want and allow your ex to call and talk to them as often as he or she likes. Never lie to your children and make them think you and your ex will get back together. Some parents make the mistake of pacifying their kids by telling them that maybe someday that mommy and daddy might get back together. False hope is as bad as a lie.
- Keep a picture of your ex in your child’s room, but I don’t suggest you allow family pictures to be displayed.
There are plenty of ways you can help your children adjust to the effects of divorce, but the most important thing you can do is show them and be an example to your kids. If you are calm they will be calm.
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