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Comments
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poly67 (Author) 2008-09-17 05:55:10

Hi there ,
I am a single mom for only 9 months, my husband passed away. My
daughter is behaving very rebelious recently, she has a boy friend and I am
letting him sleep at home occasionally . Is it a mistake ?
Please let me know

Thanks
limont24 (Author) 2008-10-08 03:11:45

hi there,

I have had the same dilemma in the past, well what I mean is I have
a gay brother in law and him and his partner wanted to stay in the same room
whilst here in my home, I didnt want them to be bad examples for my children as
it would have confused them so I asked that they stay in separate rooms for that
reason, they completely understood.
Yes I think it may be a mistake as you are
condoning what is happening, but you dont want them to go somewhere else either,
the best thing would be to talk to him and tell him that if he respected you
then he would not ask to stay over.
It may be a good idea to talk with his
family also, if you can get them onside then things will be alot easier.
Open
conversation with them is the key and mutual respect.
Who's the Boss
Helpful Hannah (Author) 2009-01-31 09:41:28

Hello:

Experiencing the loss of a spouse, whether it be due to divorce or
death, leaves the surviving spouse in an emotional state of helplessness as they
grieve.

Passing time des heal wounds but nine months is not enough. Genuine
healing does not begin until a year has passed from the time of
separation.

During this initial year, the surviving family members will
process the loss they have experienced gradually. Every time a signifigant date
arrives whereby something would have been shared with their loved one is the
elemental factor in this. Birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, etc., are a few
examples. For these memories are the strongest.

You state that you are
allowing your daughter's boyfriend to stay the night on occasion. Then you ask
if "is it a mistake"?

If you would not have allowed this to happen
if your husband were living then you are allowing it to happen due to the
emotions that yo...
SavedSista (Author) 2009-07-24 19:31:00

I think it is a bad idea. When I was in high school, my best friend was allowed
to have her boyfriend spend the night. As a result, she lost her focus on
academics and was pregnant by the prom. I think you try taking to her and
expressing how you feel. Allow her to express how she feels. Then sit down with
her and the boyfriend and set some rules. Remeber, you are the adult and you
can't afford to allow them make a mistake today that will affect their future.
avatar
sbarton1220 (Editor) 2008-11-01 18:49:11

Hi,

First of all, (((HUGS))) to you. I know what you're going through is not
easy and I commend you for all you're doing.

Second, having been a daughter
whose dad passed away, I can tell you that she's testing her limits with you.
When my own dad died when I was 18, I found myself doing a lot of really stupid
things that I might not have done otherwise. I think I did this to push past my
grief and think about something else for once. Not that this is the right thing
to do.

Without knowing any specifics about your situation, I think you need to
sit down with your daughter and have a talk with her. What's going on in her
head? Also, with regard to the boyfriend staying over, is this something that
you would have allowed when your husband was alive? Why is it okay now? It's
your house and if you're not okay with this, she needs to know where you draw
the line.

Best of luck to you. Healing is hard enough, and I couldn't imagine<...
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